Feb 27, 2017

The Problem with Communication – Part VI

Brain Fog

Please see The Problems with Communication, Part I, Part II, Part III, Part IV and Part V by clicking on each link.)

“There are no perfect men in the world, only perfect intentions”, said Azeem in the 1991 movie, “Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves”.  It’s interesting on many different levels to observe people communicating and one of those is the deepest level, that of intent.  You can observe one person approaching another and, before they ever begin to speak, see the person being approached either withdrawing physically or building an invisible wall of protection around themselves.  And, you can observe a person approaching another person and see them smile and create body language that exhibits openness and acceptance.  You can also observe a person with whom another has a low level of trust make a mistake, either in word or deed, and the other person calls them to account for the mistake quickly and exacts some sort of punishment.  You can also observe a person with whom another has a high level of trust make a mistake, either in word or deed, and the other person acts as if the mistake wasn’t made, possibly not even acknowledging it.

World-renowned Neuroscientist, V.S. Ramachandran, explains that intent is a large part of human communication and has an affect on others with whom we interact. He says, ‘As scientists, we used to believe we first intellectualized other people and then we would sense them.  We now know that we sense others, first, and then we intellectualize them.  There is an underlying element that connects us all.’  This ‘underlying element that connects us all’ is felt, sensed, as intent.  It’s the feeling you get when you think someone is watching you and you turn around and they are.  It’s the ‘vibes’ you get, good or bad, when you meet someone.  It’s the feeling you get when someone is answering a question you asked them and you just know they are lying.  True, it does go beyond the unseen.  We also unconsciously pick up on facial expressions, body language, tone of voice and inflection, etc.  The point is, your intention goes far deeper than the words you speak. I remember being a team meeting when a new team leader was being introduced.  As he took the stage, he smiled and said all the right, flowery words he believed the team wanted to hear.  However, his presence and tone of voice belied his words.  The feeling of condescension was palpable.  I heard several of the team members talking afterwards of the feeling they had of how hollow and fake his words were to them.  In reality, it would have been better had he not spoken to the team at all.

So, consider how you really feel from your core the next time you are meeting with someone else.  That feeling will precede you before the first word is spoken.

Sub(un)conscious Communication

As I’ve shared before, the unconscious mind is at least one million times faster than the conscious mind.  This means that it detects subtleties, details, and nuances that the conscious mind neglects.  For instance, you can use analog marking to make a point more powerful.  Some may call this using pauses powerfully.  These don’t have to be overt and dramatic.  It can be as simple as, “And, as you..listen to me carefully..you’ll realize that you can be more tomorrow that you are today.”  The words “listen to me carefully” are marked for attention in the unconscious mind.  In a sales meeting, a sales manager could use analog marking like this, “You really don’t have to…make more sales.  You don’t even have to…find prospecting fun.  You can just…enjoy closing more deals than ever before.”  These become embedded commands that the unconscious mind picks up and implements.

There are other ways to communicate at the subconscious level.  For instance, when involved in negotiations, here are the steps to help you get what you want:

  • You take something the side your in negotiations with that is —Known
  • Then you take them from there to something that is —Possible
  • —Next, you take them to something that’s Plausible
  • —And, you end up at negotiating what they originally thought was Impossible

This is incrementally moving someone from a position they hold to one they may have never would have believed they would.  Had you tried to go from the first step directly to the fourth step, the conscious mind would have rejected it out-of-hand.  Of course, there are many more ways to communicate at the subconscious level that I’ll share in a live event.

As promised, the last installment in this series will contain information about Lie Detection and I’ll publish that soon!

Change your thoughts. Change your life…quickly!

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+++++++++++++++About Dr. Edward Lewellen++++++++++++++++++++
Dr. Edward Lewellen an expert in creating methodologies for people to learn to use their mind; their beliefs, thoughts, and behaviors, and put them back in control of their lives and become top-producers. He is a Master Executive Coach, leadership and sales expert, and keynote speaker for some of the largest global organizations.

Author of The 90-Second Mind Manager  The_90_Second_Mind_Manager_3D_transparent



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