Jan 24, 2015

Not Knowing is the Missing Peace


When you fully consider the times in your life when you felt most uneasy, uncomfortable, and stressed to the max, they were times when you were in the midst of the unknown. Here are two examples; one is relatively benign, the other is life-changing.

It’s time to buy a new vehicle. You may have an idea of the type of transportation you want based on your driving needs. Excitedly, you begin your research. Like a stage hypnotist narrowing down the number of people on the stage to find the best subjects, you are narrowing down the vehicles that meet your needs. Depending on your age, you may (or may not) desire to go to a physical location to see, touch, smell, hear, and taste the new car buying experience. If you do, you understand that you’re going to invest hours at each dealership. After all that, you now have 2-3 vehicles that remain. And, what are you feeling at this point? Uneasy, anxious, and stressed. Why? Because the journey of buying a new vehicle started as a fun and exciting adventure, but, now it’s time to make a decision. You begin questioning your judgment by asking, “Is this really the right one?” “Is there anything I may be missing?” “Can I get a better deal if I go to just one more dealership?” And, many more questions.

The second example is that of making a career move. If you have more than one option to take your career, then this information applies to you. There are so many things to consider when making a career move:
• Stay in the same industry or make a change to something you believe you will like better?
• Which option is best for you and your family; be an employee, a contractor, or start your own business?
• What combination of stability and risk that you’re willing to accept?
• Will you stay in your current geography or move?
• If you have to choose, will you choose to take more money or choose to have less stress?

At a much more important and increased level than the first scenario, this experience is creating a sense of uneasiness, anxiety, and stress. And, again, you begin questioning and doubting yourself to a more significant degree.

There are a variety of ways to successfully navigate through both of these scenarios and create an acceptable, even highly desirable, outcome. And, right now, I want to keep your focus on the thought of knowing. You see, in the scenarios I described, the entire time of researching and discovering doesn’t require a commitment. That’s why that part can be exciting…even fun! The uneasiness, anxiety, and stress arrive when it’s time to make a decision and you can’t see into the future to absolutely know you are making the right decision. Here’s the reality: You never will absolutely know that any decision you make now will be the right decision a day, a week, a month, a year, or more into the future. There are so many variables in life that it is impossible to “know” that you’ve made the right decision. In fact, to use the word “know” in the context of the future is using the word improperly. When someone says, “I knew that was going to happen” they are stating an impossibility. For something to be knowable, it must already be present. Here’s a critical point: It’s not important to know that you made the absolutely right decision. What’s important is to make a decision using all the information that’s available to you at the time, make the decision, and then not look back. Unless something substantial is brought to your attention that you weren’t previously aware to change your mind, do everything within your power to make your decision work. The other option is to become paralyzed, like a deer in the headlights of a car. And, you know what happens to the deer, right?

Now, go back to the scenarios of buying a vehicle and making a career move. When you’ve had those in the past, what happened to the uneasiness, anxiety, and stress when you made your decision? Would it be fair to say that it gave you a sense of peace just knowing that the decision-making process was behind you? How does this happen? You took the decision out of the realm of possibility and into the realm of reality. You wanted it hard enough and so it became material. And, your thinking changes with new neuro-pathways being formed and the pathways becoming stronger and more powerful. Your direction is set. Your focus has become singular. Clarity sets in. You can now devote all your energy in one direction with all your power and strength, instead of having it dispersed and weakened as it was when it was going in many directions. And, you fully realize at that moment in time that “not knowing” was the missing peace.


As a Certified Executive Coach, Certified NLP Master practitioner, and Certified Life Coach you can experience significant life changes through my unique and extraordinarily effective methodologies. It only takes a few seconds to reach out to me to set a time to discuss the areas of your life you want to have more clarity, motivation, and alignment in. After we talk, I’ll put together a custom program for you and we’ll chart a course to quickly achieve the outcomes you desire!

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Creating life in forward motion,

Dr. Edward Lewellen